Live: Without a Net

Just as I put on Disco Pandora when I'm working on promoting my upcoming class, Disco & Doodles: Unleashing Creative Freedom, I've turned on the Levon Helm station to write this post today. Now, as I go back to edit, I'm hearing, well, you'll see.

I just feel like writing. I also feel like taking a nap.

It's Saturday, October 1, 2011. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to give my notice that I'm moving out to my landlords today. I'm nervous about it! Leaping without a net . . .

Back in 1991, I was in college in Miami, tripping around with Mike Russo, and on a particularly stressful night, I hit the change button on his CD changer, and on came "Eyes of the World" from the Grateful Dead's live recording, Without a Net (1990). After years of hearing worn out bootleg cassettes of the Dead, I finally got some clarity about what my friends loved so much. The song was incredibly soothing in the moment, and the rest is latecomer history. The following spring I hit the east coast tour, and three and half years later, when Jerry [Garcia] died, I had seen him perform 81 times. Not bad for a latecomer, if I do say so myself.

Of course, among Heads, this album is known in part for Branford Marsalis's saxophone contribution to "Eyes," and his sound was familiar to me that day, too. I'd met Branford at a jazz festival in Nice, France, on the eve of my 20th birthday in July 1990.

Here's Branford sounding awesome with the band, 3/29/90, a sweet audience recording. If you're interested, here's a soundboard recording of the entire show at Nassau Coliseum. Watching this video reminds me of the one Dead show I saw with my dad (thanks, Dad!) at Nassau and they played "Eyes." I remember thinking, "This is what they must mean when they say 'a religious experience.'" The band played so strongly that night (this was 1993, spring tour, I think), and it was my favorite "Eyes" that I ever saw them do live.

Wow, my meandering is going deep into my Dead history. Just a few days ago, when I threw away all those journals and photo albums I mentioned below, I also threw away some little rubber toy snakes that I'd found both in New York and again in Orlando on that same '93 spring tour. Sigh . . .

What is opening up now? Life unfolds and unfolds and unfolds, and underneath and within, something remains unmoved, unchanged, awake, alert, unopinionated, even though sometimes it seems to smile.

I've been worried before. Scared plenty. And surely I haven't seen the last of it.

Today one of my friends called me to ask me if I was in need of a place to stay in November. Felt great to have her call and ask and to be able to tell her I really don't know where I'm going and that if it feels good to them (she'll be on her honeymoon), I'd love to stay at their place, and also to tell her that I'm okay with whatever feels good.

This blog and this intended journey helps keep the spark of enthusiasm alive for me in the worrying times.

In life, I'm never truly without a net, and this is what I've been coming to find. Awareness/awakeness is here all the time. Cradling everything in its arms. The fear. The glee. The longing, lust, anger, delight, hunger, fatigue, sickness, dreaminess, joy, love, peace, swooning over your favorite band.

xx

p.s. As I was finishing this post, another friend called to invite me to travel with her and her husband, starting at a retreat they are offering in Louisiana in November. Yes, invitations! I welcome your calls.