My last post to this blog was April 19, 2012, just over a year ago. Today's May 5, 2013. I'm super sleepy as I'm writing to you, sitting on a couch in a sweet east Austin home where I have the pleasure of house sitting for a few weeks. I've been here about an hour and a half. Ate dinner, unloaded the car, now starting the wind-down.
I apologize in advance for the meandering ramble of this message.
When I first started this blog, I was restless in my work life and was dreaming about getting in the car and going. Although I had been advised not to take my car on any long trips until I had some major repairs done, I had a long held goal to visit Levon Helm's barn in Woodstock, New York and attend one of his famous Midnight Rambles. Then last April, as you see in the last post, angels laid Levon away.
About six months earlier, I'd lost my job (details in earlier posts as well) and didn't feel as much of a call to be roaming, as I was content having more space around me and getting into the work I was doing from home.
Plus my income that I'd planned to use to fix the car suddenly wasn't there. About a month after that last blog post, I left my beloved apartment of the past six years and moved in with two of my best friends who generously put me up and put up with me for almost a year. There's so much that I could contemplate about the entire experience, but I'm too tired to get into it too much tonight, save the general love and affection that's flowing between me and the Savannimals, as I type.
What brought me back to this blog is that I am much closer to being nomadic now, a year and change after the vision began here on this screen.
A few months ago I had the pleasure of being at the Levon Helm tribute show at SXSW in Austin, where members of the Midnight Ramble Band and their special guests honored the great fella. I was tickled to realize that the ramble had meandered to me.
The timing was interesting, too, as I'd just begun to fund raise to get a bunch of car repairs that I'd been advised I needed before I could take my car even up to Dallas from here.
The latest figures on the car campaign are 75% of the work is done. I still need $675- $775 more worth of work and parts to get the A+ grade to take the car roaming, but I'll tell ya, that 75% has made a big difference for in-town driving, and I'm really grateful. Especially as I've now moved out from the wonderful haven of the Savannah (what my house mates and I dubbed the home we've been sharing) and am deepening into the world of invitations and intuition. It seems useful to have a pony to carry me and my belongings around. And, too, I feel open to all sorts of possibilities.
On the way over here tonight, I had the thought, "I need less stuff or a larger vehicle." Then I began doing an exercise I learned from a friend to come up with solutions, no matter how far out they might seem. Two of my favorites were a solar-powered hot air balloon whose basket holds my stuff and a shrinking gun that makes items really small and then can reverse and bring them back to original size with a flick of a switch.
It's been exciting to realize that these meandering rambles are becoming possible and more tangible as I continue to fix up the car and reduce my belongings down to what I can take with me.Or whatever! A new place of my own, a trailer, leaving things at bus stops, getting more things and creating an art car out of shredded materials from clothes found at Blue Hanger . . . it's all so open!
I may hang around Austin longer, and I'm quite content to do that. I'm also happy that I'll be able to answer out-of-town invitations soon, too. All I really need is a quiet and comfy place to sleep and to hold my Skype calls (I practice a sort of counseling over Skype, if you didn't know) and a good internet connection. This is a longtime dream of mine: to be able to work from wherever I am.
Should something unfold locally for me, I'll be more than happy to gently land there. If the road that I've been doodling these past two years is what's calling me, well, I reckon I'll find out when the wheels touch it.
Here's where you can find my fund raising campaign ("Not Quite an Airstream, but . . . "): http://www.gofundme.com/NotquiteanAirstreambut
I'd be so happy if you joined with me and the amazing 51 folks who have contributed along the way. I will come back here and report as I go along. I have the feeling this blog could hold some wonderful adventures.
For now, I'd best meander on over to my jammies and get myself ready for bed.
So much love from me to you. Much more to come.
xx
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Levon
I don't know what to say. Life's wheel is spinning and so filled with color, light, life, drama, horrors, love, delight, comic strips, headphones, collages, sunburns, Styrofoam cups of vodka, drummers dying, birds cooing, the fan over my head turning, making me feel kind of cool.
It's the third day of the Master Cleanse and I read on Facebook that Levon is fixin to pass. God, I just can't come up with any euphemism that sounds even halfway decent.
What can I say?
It all rolls into one.
Here I am, on the same couch I was on in the last post, most likely still missing a lover, seeing my glass of lemonade blur into the oneness that is impossible to name and yet is all of this. All of this. Nothing.
Levon, I feel selfish that I wanted to come see you and now won't get to. I feel something - but I can't really say what - for your family, your wife, your children.
I can't imagine what it's like to be a wife and have your husband dying, but, then again, I can. It scares me and wrenches my gut, and sometimes I feel that may be why I've avoided such things, but, no. That can't be it either.
That glass on the footstool and the water glass next to it, ultimately devoid of names.
Levon dying.
Other things I saw on Facebook today:
A billboard that says "Either you love bacon or you're wrong."
A 3 year old kidnapped and mother shot and killed.
News that Tom Petty got his guitars back.
A new blue carpet gifted to my friend Shawn for the floor of his Big Red truck home.
Me on the corner with my I LOVE YOU sign and a guy from Tel Aviv taking a photo with me to email to his wife. He's going back home in a few days, and this is the first time he's traveled back to Austin without her.
He had black eyebrows and one of them had a white patch in it.
Also today I saw Luke Wilson, I'm pretty sure. We both had our sunglasses on.
The world turns, so they tell me.
Levon, I don't know what to say.
I'm rambling to ramble. Meandering here and there, can't find any words to claim anything true or specific.
I love you.
* * * * *
Post Script:
Some cheerful news that deserves its own photo (maybe I'll get around to it . . . ) -
The plant in the post below - Mr. Tambourine Plant - that went into the back yard, possibly to die, has revived! I cut it back once it was out there for a few days, and, lo and behold, it's growing new leaves and has moved back into the bedroom. Life!
It's the third day of the Master Cleanse and I read on Facebook that Levon is fixin to pass. God, I just can't come up with any euphemism that sounds even halfway decent.
What can I say?
It all rolls into one.
Here I am, on the same couch I was on in the last post, most likely still missing a lover, seeing my glass of lemonade blur into the oneness that is impossible to name and yet is all of this. All of this. Nothing.
Levon, I feel selfish that I wanted to come see you and now won't get to. I feel something - but I can't really say what - for your family, your wife, your children.
I can't imagine what it's like to be a wife and have your husband dying, but, then again, I can. It scares me and wrenches my gut, and sometimes I feel that may be why I've avoided such things, but, no. That can't be it either.
That glass on the footstool and the water glass next to it, ultimately devoid of names.
Levon dying.
Other things I saw on Facebook today:
A billboard that says "Either you love bacon or you're wrong."
A 3 year old kidnapped and mother shot and killed.
News that Tom Petty got his guitars back.
A new blue carpet gifted to my friend Shawn for the floor of his Big Red truck home.
Me on the corner with my I LOVE YOU sign and a guy from Tel Aviv taking a photo with me to email to his wife. He's going back home in a few days, and this is the first time he's traveled back to Austin without her.
He had black eyebrows and one of them had a white patch in it.
Also today I saw Luke Wilson, I'm pretty sure. We both had our sunglasses on.
The world turns, so they tell me.
Levon, I don't know what to say.
I'm rambling to ramble. Meandering here and there, can't find any words to claim anything true or specific.
I love you.
* * * * *
Post Script:
Some cheerful news that deserves its own photo (maybe I'll get around to it . . . ) -
The plant in the post below - Mr. Tambourine Plant - that went into the back yard, possibly to die, has revived! I cut it back once it was out there for a few days, and, lo and behold, it's growing new leaves and has moved back into the bedroom. Life!
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Weight
On the couch in my corner pen here. My love seat, to be accurate. Much love has been had on this couch over the years, and it's kind of funny to find myself sitting on it today. Now.
I don't really use my living room anymore. I feel that it is easing me into smaller spaces so I'll be ready for the Airstream.
Today I heard Mooji say, "Surrender the surrenderer," and I felt as if I were diving into a warm and gentle whirlpool, into which I was merging, disappearing as I fell.
Which of my blogs does this type of writing go on? I felt I'd taxed the Tumblr blog today, and, besides, I like writing here. I like the looks of it when it's printed there on the screen.
So very very body tired lately. To move around and do much of anything, well, it just doesn't happen. A weight to the body.
Did someone say The Weight? We are on the Ramble page, aren't we?
The Weight.
The weight is in the body, the heaviness of not moving. And, yet, it is becoming more and more natural. Less and less noisy. Under-the-weatherness seems to help. How can I fight it if this is what it be?
No feeling to fight. The fighting wore itself out.
The wait.
For what?
I have waited for answers to what? I feel as if I'm in a new experience. Not quite used to it, but very excited about it. Giddy almost. So strange.
Does this belong on this page?
I guess it is a meander. Or a ramble.
I don't really use my living room anymore. I feel that it is easing me into smaller spaces so I'll be ready for the Airstream.
Today I heard Mooji say, "Surrender the surrenderer," and I felt as if I were diving into a warm and gentle whirlpool, into which I was merging, disappearing as I fell.
Which of my blogs does this type of writing go on? I felt I'd taxed the Tumblr blog today, and, besides, I like writing here. I like the looks of it when it's printed there on the screen.
So very very body tired lately. To move around and do much of anything, well, it just doesn't happen. A weight to the body.
Did someone say The Weight? We are on the Ramble page, aren't we?
The Weight.
The weight is in the body, the heaviness of not moving. And, yet, it is becoming more and more natural. Less and less noisy. Under-the-weatherness seems to help. How can I fight it if this is what it be?
No feeling to fight. The fighting wore itself out.
The wait.
For what?
I have waited for answers to what? I feel as if I'm in a new experience. Not quite used to it, but very excited about it. Giddy almost. So strange.
Does this belong on this page?
I guess it is a meander. Or a ramble.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Meandering to a Shower?
I have meandered to my couch. I've been here for hours, hearing intermittent rain outside, and imagining that I'm smelling old beer, like the remains the morning after a keg party, somehow being kicked into the atmosphere by the downpour.
A few days ago I took my zebra plant, Mr. Tambourine Plant, outside. I have felt that the plant's been dying, not producing new growth, for some time now. I didn't know what to do with it. First I put it in the kitchen to be around it more during the day. Then I took it outside. Now I can see it outside my bedroom window, sitting in its pot amidst backyard growth.
This morning I looked out there and wondered if I should give it some water. And then it started to rain. And then hail.
I peeked out the window at her and she seems to be doing fine. I wonder if maybe her journey outside and the rain and hail will bring her back to life. She's so sweet.
Years ago when my beloved yellow and black guppy, Tambourine, was dying, I euthanized him by putting him in some water in the freezer (on advice from the guy on the phone from PetSmart who told me to hold on while his manager was walking by so that the manager wouldn't hear the employee tell me how they euthanize dying pets at their store). It was extremely cold in Ohio that winter, and I was too cold even to take Tambourine outside. So into the freezer my dear friend went, and on my iTunes, I played every version of Mr. Tambourine Man that I had. Meanwhile, I repotted my sweet zebra plant, and when I finished, I buried my little fish in the plant. And she has thrived for years.
But like every living thing, she also has a life span. And also like every living thing, she has up times and down times. A few years ago I took her to a nursery to have her checked out since she was getting really leggy and not producing fully. I was advised to trim her stems down to a few inches each. I was nervous to do this, but I did, and, lo and behold, she grew again into a full, bushy, healthy Mr. Tambourine Plant.
I don't know anything at all. How anything will go, has gone, or is.
Mr. Tambourine Plant seems to be doing okay outside. If she keeps on living, maybe she'll come back in the house. It's an adventure, being a plant mommy.
I was going to title this post Meandering to a Requiem, but I no longer feel that this is her funeral dirge.
Now, will I meander to a shower? Maybe I could just take off all of my clothes and stand outside. The rain continues . . .
A few days ago I took my zebra plant, Mr. Tambourine Plant, outside. I have felt that the plant's been dying, not producing new growth, for some time now. I didn't know what to do with it. First I put it in the kitchen to be around it more during the day. Then I took it outside. Now I can see it outside my bedroom window, sitting in its pot amidst backyard growth.
This morning I looked out there and wondered if I should give it some water. And then it started to rain. And then hail.
I peeked out the window at her and she seems to be doing fine. I wonder if maybe her journey outside and the rain and hail will bring her back to life. She's so sweet.
Years ago when my beloved yellow and black guppy, Tambourine, was dying, I euthanized him by putting him in some water in the freezer (on advice from the guy on the phone from PetSmart who told me to hold on while his manager was walking by so that the manager wouldn't hear the employee tell me how they euthanize dying pets at their store). It was extremely cold in Ohio that winter, and I was too cold even to take Tambourine outside. So into the freezer my dear friend went, and on my iTunes, I played every version of Mr. Tambourine Man that I had. Meanwhile, I repotted my sweet zebra plant, and when I finished, I buried my little fish in the plant. And she has thrived for years.
But like every living thing, she also has a life span. And also like every living thing, she has up times and down times. A few years ago I took her to a nursery to have her checked out since she was getting really leggy and not producing fully. I was advised to trim her stems down to a few inches each. I was nervous to do this, but I did, and, lo and behold, she grew again into a full, bushy, healthy Mr. Tambourine Plant.
I don't know anything at all. How anything will go, has gone, or is.
Mr. Tambourine Plant seems to be doing okay outside. If she keeps on living, maybe she'll come back in the house. It's an adventure, being a plant mommy.
I was going to title this post Meandering to a Requiem, but I no longer feel that this is her funeral dirge.
Now, will I meander to a shower? Maybe I could just take off all of my clothes and stand outside. The rain continues . . .
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Shape I'm In
Just delicious.
I admire them for making music, living their lives, having their natural passion.
Oh, you don't know the shape I'm in.
I admire them for making music, living their lives, having their natural passion.
Oh, you don't know the shape I'm in.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Woo Hoo!
I don't know where my Hugh is (see When I Say That I'm Okay below) nowadays, but coming across this today, I must share, and dedicated it to him. Good stuff!
Also goes out to my big man who graced me this morning. Let's pack up the things and go!
Happy New Year, y'all!
Also goes out to my big man who graced me this morning. Let's pack up the things and go!
Happy New Year, y'all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)